I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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