I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dear god my vagina.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
