I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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