White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
