He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
