If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
