upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
smell my finger.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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