WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
