apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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