the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
