party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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