I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
