What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
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When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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