I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
