Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
