This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
