so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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