the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my being single is dangerous.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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