After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dick very happy bro
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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