If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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