walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
