Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
