you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
