Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
