you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
