'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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