Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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