i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
