A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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