I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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