i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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