OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
