all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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