btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
