yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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