First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
