Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
