guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
