Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
