Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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