There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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