i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
