dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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