I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
thus making me awesome and them whores
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
