so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Found the puke drawer
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize