i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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