We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
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They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
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You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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