Someone shit on the floor
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just high enough for therapy.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
