I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
