He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
