I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
