You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
