Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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