dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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