He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
