yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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