You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
