piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
