they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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