Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
