i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
