I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
