I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
