Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
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