you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
