There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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