I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
