I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Randomize
