sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
